Gratefulness Through Grief

The Holidays are upon us and it is the most difficult time of the year for many.  Thanksgiving is just a few short days away.  You may ask, is it possible to feel grateful for anything after a hole has been ripped out of your heart?  I believe so.  Although it is not an easy task, I struggle daily trying to achieve a grateful and peaceful state of mind.  Just one small change to my day seems to start it in a completely new direction.

I try to start each day peaceful, grateful and hopeful for all the day has to offer.  

I try to live each day to the best of my ability, not always an easy task when the dark clouds begin to roll in.  

I try to remember that each day is a gift and although I may not have complete control over what happens,

I do have control over how I react.  

Notice, the word “try” is in each statement.  I TRY!  I may not always succeed, but there is hope in trying.  This reality of controlling my emotions is liberating.  Every morning I find something to hold onto.  It could be a song I heard on the radio, a childs smile, a flower in bloom, a kind word, the clouds; something that makes me smile.  I lock that “good” in my memory and when things start to go a little (or maybe a lot) wrong, I think back to the moment I smiled and try to capture that feeling again.  Somedays it works better than others, but the proactive role in acknowledging my feelings always improves my state of mind.

Life is not a guarantee, nor is it easy.  Life is an emotional roller coaster.  The most we can do is give it our best.  Somedays our best may be above and beyond what even we imagine, others we may be lucky to find something that makes us smile at all.  The important part is to not hold on to the negative, to not beat ourselves up for being sad.  Sometimes a good cry is just what I need to get back on the “living life with a hole in my heart” track. But that is how life is, unpredictable.  In order to survive, sometime we must live from moment to moment.  Always, always acknowledge the positive in your life.  You got up, you got dressed, you may have showered, eaten, or gone out.  These are all positive steps forward.  Things that we can be grateful for.  It is okay to slide backwards, we all do and I believe always will.  But ALWAYS, be grateful, especially for the little things in life.  I do believe even in the worst of days, if we try hard enough there is something to be grateful for.

The next few months will bring there own unique stresses.  It will be extremely difficult to hold onto happy through the holidays, but in honor and memory of my son, I will continue with my best.  I know there will be breakdowns, tears, and sad days.  But if I can smile just once and think on my Tony while I do, I will be grateful that I smiled because of Tony!


Wishing everyone a grateful, memory filled, peaceful Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving with my boys 2005. Dan, Me, Dave and Tony!

Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened!


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